Legacy: Who Do You Want to Be When You Die?

We explore how contemplating the end can recalibrate the middle, drawing lessons from bedside moments in palliative and hospice care to ask who we are becoming and why it matters. We reset our metrics from productivity to presence and choose a path of surrender, healing, and purpose.

• the core question: who do you want to be when you die
• reputation versus integrity and the hidden, quiet self
• lessons from end‑of‑life rooms and real regrets
• death as a clarifying lens for life choices
• presence over productivity, peace over hustle
• becoming on purpose through small daily decisions
• faith, surrender, and staying rooted in what lasts
• practical self‑inventory: what forms you and what deforms you

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Chapters

• 0:50 The Question That Reframes Life
• 3:19 Lessons From the Bedside
• 6:32 Death Clarifies What Matters
• 9:20 Who Will You Be, Really?
• 10:32 Becoming That Person On Purpose
• 11:56 Live Now Like You’re Free

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:25

Today we are going to have a conversation about legacy, identity, and what really matters. So let's go ahead and start right here. Not with your goals, not with your five-year plan, not with what you want to have, but with who you want to be. More specifically. Who do you want to be when you die? Right, that's what I said. Who do you want to be when you die? It's a sobering question. And it's probably a question that most people really don't ask until they're forced to. But what if that question became the foundation of your life now, before the crisis, before the regrets, before the missed time that you can't get back. I don't mean how do you want to be remembered? That's really still about what others think, right? This, what I'm talking about, isn't about reputation. It's about integrity. It's about who you're becoming in the quiet, in the process, in the in-between. The version of you that will face eternity. Because at the end of your life, when all the noise fades, you won't be asked what you built, how big your brand was, or how busy you stayed? You'll be asked something far more important. Did you become the person God made you to be? Did you become the person that you were supposed to be in this lifetime? In my work that I do in palliative medicine, I really am so blessed and privileged to be with patients and their families at end of life, oftentimes in the hospital work that I do and the hospice work that I do in the community. I see those people. I see who they have become as they're dying. And I can tell you that I have had some of the most beautiful experiences with people at end of life. I get to hear and experience and see the love that people have for their loved one who's dying. I hear stories about who they were and what they did and what they meant. And sometimes I'll get these opportunities to actually talk with a patient while they're still lucid enough. You know, and I don't ever hear, and I don't think anyone will ever hear from people that are dying that, man, I I wish I had more stuff. I wish I stayed at the office a little bit longer. I wish that I'd made more money. I never hear that. Never heard that. Sometimes I've heard a lot of regrets, sadly. For the people that didn't focus on the things that really mattered. There's other times, sadly, where I encounter situations where there won't be much family around. Because of very strained relationships. Maybe the person that I'm helping, that I'm comforting at the end of life didn't become the person that they were created or destined to be. And so in doing the kind of work that I do, I get to be reflective a lot. I pause and I think and I'm reminded daily. Am I on course? Am I becoming the man that I want to be? And asking myself, what am I doing now toward that end? Because here's the truth, my friends, is that we're all dying slowly, quietly. We just live like we aren't. We distract ourselves with goals, with screens, with work, and with success. And we forget the most important metric of all. Am I living in alignment with the person I want to be at the end of this life? There's a verse in Ecclesiastes that goes something like this. It says, It's better to go to a funeral than a party, because the living should take it to heart. It's better to go to a funeral than a party, because the living should take it to heart. Translation, death has a way of clarifying life. We spend so much time trying to be successful, admired, promoted, rich, famous. But when it's all over, what do you want your soul to say? Not your resume, not your followers, but your soul? Let's simplify it. When your time is up, do you want to be known for being productive or for being present? Do you want to be remembered for hustle or for peace? Do you want to be impressive or whole? Do you want to be a man or woman who held everything tightly? Or someone who surrendered freely? The world is going to push for you to be louder, faster, bigger, better. But I feel that the Spirit of God calls you to be faithful, to be rooted, to be steady. I wish I could say that I'm perfect in all of these endeavors. The truth is, none of us are perfect. But again, it's not about perfection. It's about a realization, it's about an awakening within ourselves to realize what is this life all about. So let me ask you again. Who do you want to be when you die? Not what do you want to be doing, not what you hope to own, not what title you'll carry. Who do you want to be? Maybe it sounds like this. I want to be someone who lived open-handed, someone who didn't waste time proving, but poured themselves into serving others. Maybe someone whose life made heaven crowded, whose eyes fixed on the things that lasted. I want to be someone who forgave quickly, who loved deeply, who didn't perform strength, but walked humbly in it. I want to be somebody who said yes to God more than I said yes to fear. Someone who died to ego but stayed fully alive in purpose. And maybe for you, the honest answer is I'm not becoming that person yet. And that's okay. That's the whole point of this brief episode, of this brief encouragement. It's to bring you back, to recenter, to reset. Because transformation doesn't happen in a weekend. Doesn't happen in a moment. You can't cram for the test at the end of life. It happens in the moments where we wake up and maybe make a different decision. Remember that it's the decisions that you make that determine your destiny. So take inventory today. What in your life is making you more like the person that you want to be at the end of your journey? And ask yourself, maybe what's taking you further from it? You won't become, you cannot become that person by accident. You become that person on purpose. Through surrender, through obedience, through healing, through staying close to the one who made you. One of my favorite scriptures that reminds me of this: it's in him that we live and move and have our being. Not in our image, not in our grind, not in our performance, not in our bank account, not in our stuff, but in him. He's the beginning. He's the end. And he's everything in between. So, friends, I really want to encourage you, don't wait until you're old and tired to become who you were created to be. Don't wait until the final chapter to live the story you were actually meant to write. Live now like someone who is already free, who's already whole, who's already clear. Live now like someone who's not afraid of the ending. Because when you know who you want to be when you die, you know exactly how to live. Thanks, friends. See you again soon.